Emotions of Adoption
Is It Selfish to Give My Baby Up for Adoption?
Placing a child for adoption is never easy. You may be facing pressure from family and friends to choose one way or another. You may be worried that placing your child for adoption makes you a bad parent.
It does not. In fact, placing your child for adoption could be the best decision you ever make — for yourself and for your baby.
If you’re considering adoption, remember this:
- It is not wrong to “give your child up” for adoption.
- It is not bad to “give your baby up” for adoption.
- It is not selfish to “give up” your baby for adoption.
Choosing adoption means you’re a brave, selfless parent. You should never feel embarrassed or ashamed of your choice. If you plan and prepare, adoption can be the perfect solution for you and your baby.
Find out more about adoption below, or contact an adoption specialist anytime for their professional opinion.
Is It Wrong to ‘Give Your Child Up’ for Adoption?
Adoption often gets a bad rap. As you research placing your child with another family, you might find yourself wondering if it is wrong to put your baby up for adoption.
No. When done properly, adoption can be a beautiful choice that gives you, your child and their adoptive family a future full of love and opportunities.
Thousands of birth parents place their children for adoption each year, and many of them are in the same shoes as you. When you don’t know much about adoption, the idea of placing your child for adoption can seem scary. It may feel like you’re “giving up” or “giving away” your child to someone else.
Many people use the phrase “giving up for adoption” — but this is far from the truth. Adoption is a brave, active choice birth parents make to give their child the best with a family of their choosing. It’s not a decision made lightly.
While you’ll see this phrase used throughout our site, it doesn’t represent our true thoughts on adoption. We use it to meet people at their basic understanding of how adoption works. Then, we educate them about the reality of the process.
And the reality is this: Putting your child up for adoption is not wrong. For many women, it’s the right choice because:
- It gives your child a life of love and opportunity, with parents of your choosing.
- It gives you the chance to pursue your personal goals and continue to care for any children you are already raising.
- It gives adoptive parents the chance to become a family.
- It gives all of you the opening for a strong, lifelong relationship — to be an extended family.
Is ‘Giving My Baby Up’ for Adoption Selfish?
No. It’s incredible selfless to “give a child up for adoption.” By choosing adoption, you can give your child the kind of life you want for them — especially if you can’t provide that life yourself.
You may think adoption is selfish because the reasons you’re considering it are so personal. You’re likely not in the position to raise a child right now. Maybe you aren’t financially prepared to care for a baby, or you see yourself getting married or achieving a promotion before settling down with a family.
It’s tempting to see those reasons as “selfish.” Many of us are led to believe that people should “make it work” when they become pregnant. We’re told we should put our child’s interests first, putting aside our own to do what’s best for our family.
But, in many ways, adoption is putting your child’s interests first.
Birth mother Sarah was in this exact situation. As a mother to two grown boys, she placed her newborn son Teddy for adoption to give him the kind of life she wanted for him.
“This was the hardest decision I’ve ever made,” she says. “But I made it in his best interest. I made it for him to have better opportunities, to have a future, to grow up and be something big.”
What could be more selfless than that?
Is ‘Giving Your Child Up’ for Adoption Cowardly?
You may feel like placing your child for adoption is running away from your problems. But “giving your child up” for adoption is not cowardly. Instead, it’s making the bravest decision you can to do what you think is best for your child.
By making an adoption plan for your child, you actively choose the future that you want them to have. You make a plan for their life, including:
- The type of family who will raise them, where they live, and what they value
- The relationship you have with them in the years to come
- Their connection to their birth heritage and culture
- And more
The easiest path for any expectant parent is to say they’ll “make plans later.” It takes a lot more bravery to face the unknown, acknowledge what you can’t give your child, and make the selfless decision to create the future you want them to have.
When you do all this, it is never wrong to put your baby up for adoption.
Birth mom Lindsey knew the strength it would take to place her child for adoption. Already raising one child with special needs, she wanted more for her unborn baby. She chose adoption despite her family’s negative reactions.
“[Some people] were not nice to me; they told me I ‘gave my baby away,’ that I didn’t love her, that this was the easy way out. This was not the easy way out,” Lindsey says. “This was way harder than people would think…I knew that what I was doing in placing in Charlotte for adoption was 100 percent out of love. I loved her so much that I had to be selfless.”
When you take these steps and think hard about what you want for their life, putting your newborn up for adoption is never wrong.
Why ‘Giving Your Child Up’ for Adoption is Not Bad — And How You Can Do It
Placing your child for adoption could end up being the best thing you’ve ever done — if you seriously consider your options and your wishes for your baby.
Julia, who placed her child for adoption after becoming pregnant in college, has a few words of advice:
“Honestly, just sit down and think about the best interest of your child. You’re going to contemplate the decision a hundred times but, at the end of the day, you’re going to know what’s right for you and what’s right for your child.”
It is never “bad” to “give your child up” for adoption if you’ve thought long and hard about it. This decision will take a lot of self-searching, and it won’t happen overnight. That’s OK. Placing a child for adoption will change the rest of your life; you need to ensure you’re 100% confident in your choice.
The best way to do so? Contacting an adoption professional.
These professionals can explain more about your adoption options. You’re in charge every step of the way, and you always have the right to change your mind if you decided putting a baby up for adoption is a bad idea for you. Take advantage of the free counseling agencies provide as you contemplate this decision.
Adoption isn’t right for everyone. But, for those who choose this path, it can be a decision they look back on with pride. Whatever your circumstances, it is not wrong or selfish to “give your baby up” for adoption.
You are the author of your own story. It’s always up to you whether adoption is a part of that.
To learn more about placing your child for adoption, connect with an adoption specialist here.
Ready to get started? Contact an adoption agency now to get free information.