Is Adoption Right for You?

I Don’t Want My Child: What Do With These Thoughts

For some women, pregnancy is something that they wanted — so that positive pregnancy test is great news. But for others, that positive test is not so great. After receiving your own positive pregnancy test, you may find yourself thinking, “I’m pregnant and I don’t want to be.”   

Now, you need to face the reality that you are pregnant and that your pregnancy won’t just disappear. So, what do you do next?   

Here are 3 simple steps you can take to better understand your thoughts of, “I don’t want my baby,” or, “I’m pregnant and don’t want to be,” as well as the different ways in which you can move forward:  

1. Identify Your Emotions  

There are two different situations you might be in at this point in time:   

Regardless of which situation applies to you, you’ll want to take some time to reflect on how you’re feeling right now, and why you might be having these feelings.  

For women who have been raising a child, having thoughts like, “I don’t want my child anymore,” can leave them feeling guilty, frustrated and confused. These thoughts could potentially stem from:  

If you’ve been parenting your child but are now having feelings of, “I don’t want my child,” you may want to consult a doctor, as well as a counselor, in case those thoughts are a symptom of depression or anxiety. With support, you may find that those thoughts are temporary, and that you wish to resume parenting. However, if you decide that these thoughts are not temporary, you’ll want to consider some of the adoption options listed below.  

Meanwhile, women who are pregnant and don’t want to be may be in an entirely different situation and having different feelings. If you don’t want to be pregnant, but your baby hasn’t been born yet, you have three options: Parenting, abortion or adoption 

If you’ve recently found out that you’re pregnant and are thinking, “I’m pregnant and I don’t want it,” you may also benefit from the guidance of a counselor. They can help you consider your options as well as your feelings and thoughts of, “I’m pregnant and don’t want to be.”  

Many women don’t want to be pregnant or be a mother — there’s nothing wrong with this. You always have options to choose from if you’re pregnant and don’t want a baby. 

2. Learn from Commonly Asked Questions

Women who are uncertain of what to do if you don’t want to be pregnant ask a lot of questions about the options that are available to them. If you’re currently facing a similar situation, you may benefit from the answers to some of these common questions from women who have thought to themselves, “I don’t want this baby:”  

“I don’t want my child to live with me anymore. Can I place an older child for adoption?”

Yes, but depending on the age of your child, the types of adoption that are an option for you may be limited. If your child is older, you may look into kinship adoption. Or, if you think you want to resume parenting your child later on, you might want to learn more about temporary guardianship.   

“I don’t want to be pregnant, but I think I am. How can I be sure?”  

Your first step will be to see a doctor. They’ll be able to confirm whether or not you’re pregnant. If you are pregnant but don’t want a baby anymore, you’ll have two options to choose from: abortion or adoption. If the doctor tells you that you’re not pregnant, ask about birth control so you can prevent an unintended pregnancy in the future.  

“I’m pregnant and want to give baby up for adoption. Where do I start?”

Contact a licensed adoption agency now. They’ll walk you through the adoption process, answer any question you might have and help you to find the family you feel is right for your baby.  

“I don’t want to be pregnant — what can I do?” 

If you’re trying to avoid pregnancy, take some time to learn about birth control, and use it every time. Talking with a doctor can help.  

If, however, you’re already pregnant and don’t want it, your options are abortion or adoption 

“I’m married, pregnant and don’t want the baby. Can I still choose adoption or abortion?” 

Not all married couples want children, now or ever. If you and your spouse decide that you don’t want to parent, you can choose adoption or abortion together. It’s also worth mentioning that there are some situations in which you don’t need your spouse’s consent to choose adoption or abortion.  

“I’m pregnant, but I don’t want to have a baby. What should I do?” 

You already know that parenting isn’t the right option for you. If you don’t want to experience childbirth, then abortion is likely the best choice for you.   

“I don’t want a baby. But I’m unexpectedly pregnant. What should I do?”

You already know that parenting isn’t the right option for you. If you don’t want to raise a baby but are willing to experience childbirth, then adoption is likely the best choice for you.  

3. Make a Plan 

Now that you’ve taken some time to reflect on your current feelings and situation, it’s time to make a decision about what you want to do. The options available to you will largely depend on whether or not your child is unborn versus an older child whom you’ve been raising. But, the option that’s right for you will also depend on what you think is best.  

Those options include:  

Seeking support to help you parent your child.

If you’re currently raising your child, you may benefit from exploring parenting resources available to you. There are state and local financial resources, healthcare options and emotional help for women who are having difficulties parenting their child.  

If, however, you feel strongly that you don’t want to parent your baby, then you’ll want to consider some of the options below.  

Considering a temporary guardianship.

If you have been raising your child and you think you might want to parent him or her later on, a temporary guardianship may be an option in your situation. In a guardianship, you grant a trusted friend or family member temporary legal rights to your child. Unlike adoption, a guardianship would allow you to resume parenting your child in the future — if that’s something you want and feel capable of.  

If you’re certain that being a parent is not something that you want, now or in the future, you’ll want to consider some of the following options.  

Considering a permanent kinship adoption placement.

If you have been raising an older child and you feel that you are no longer wanting or able to be a parent, your child may benefit from a kinship adoption. This type of placement, like all types of adoption, is permanent. You would be terminating your parental rights (and your role as your child’s parent) and then a trusted friend or family member would assume those roles and rights permanently.  

The benefit of kinship adoptions is that, for older children, they would be placed with someone they already know, love and trust. If, however, you haven’t given birth to your baby yet, and have been thinking, “I am pregnant but don’t want a baby,” you’ll want to consider the following options.  

If you’re early in your pregnancy, considering abortion.  

If your main concern is, “I don’t want to be pregnant,” understand this: Receiving an abortion is the only option that allows you to no longer be pregnant.  

However, abortion isn’t an option for all pregnancies, nor is it the right path for every woman. Depending on your state’s laws and how far along you are in your pregnancy, you may not be able to choose this option.  

So, if you are unwilling or unable to choose abortion, you’ll want to choose the next option.  

Considering placing your child for adoption into a permanent family.

If you are still pregnant but don’t want a baby (or even if your child is still an infant) placing him or her for adoption is always an option. Remember that adoption is permanent — you would not have the option to parent your child later on.   

You would, however, have full control over the choices in your adoption. This includes selecting an adoptive family, deciding how much post-adoption contact you’d like to have and more. Adoption is often the best choice for women who are pregnant and don’t want the baby. There is always a loving family out there who desperately wants this child. You can start finding that family here 

We understand that being pregnant when you don’t want to be is scary. You wish that there was a magical “Undo” button. But, you know there’s no such thing in life. So, that means you’ll need to come to terms with this pregnancy and take next steps. For those who don’t want to parent, that means choosing between adoption and abortion. If you’d like to speak to an adoption professional for more information, reach out now 

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