How Adoption Works
What to Know about Placing Children Up for Adoption Together
Placing a child up for adoption is the hardest decision a woman will ever have to make. We know that it’s not something you’ve considered lightly, and we can imagine how much time you’ve spent so much time considering this option.
But what happens when you’re thinking placing multiple children for adoption together?
If you’re thinking of placing all your children up for adoption, we know that you must be feeling an enormous sense of guilt and grief over the weight of your decision. This can’t have been an easy decision, especially when you love your children so much and you only want to do what’s best for them.
No matter what your reasons are, we want to help. It may feel like you’re only the parent who has felt this way, but we promise that you’re not alone. Below, find information on what you need to know if you’re thinking of placing children for adoption together.
Why Do Women Consider Placing Children for Adoption Together?
Women consider putting children up for adoption for many reasons.
1. Financial Difficulties
For some, it could be because of financial strain. Raising one child, let alone several, can be extremely expensive. In fact, the average cost of raising a child to adulthood in 2016 was around $230,000. That number is only expected to grow.
When a woman struggles to afford the best for her children, she might consider placing them for adoption — to give them a better life with an adoptive family who can.
2. No Support System
Another big reason could be a lack of support. When they say it takes a village to raise a child, they aren’t kidding.
When a woman finds herself facing single motherhood or if she doesn’t have the support of her friends of family, raising multiple children can feel impossible. When that happens, “giving up children” for adoption can feel like her only option.
3. Inability to Meet Child’s Needs
Lastly, she might find herself in a situation where she is raising a child with behavioral, developmental or medical needs she cannot meet. It’s difficult to admit you can’t provide for your child, but when that happens, a woman might feel that placing her child for adoption is a better adoption. No matter what your reasons are, we want to reassure you that you’re not a bad mother or a bad person for wondering how to put children up for adoption. Parenting is the hardest job out there, and there is nothing wrong with admitting you need help.
First: Make Sure that Parenting Isn’t an Option
Before you decide to place your children up for adoption, there’s one thing you need to know.
Adoption is a lifelong decision. Once you decide to “give up” children for adoption, and you’ve signed your consent to the adoption and the revocation period has passed, you won’t be able to change your mind and get them back.
That’s why you should be absolutely sure that parenting is no longer an option for you and that putting kids up for adoption is the only choice you have left. Thoughts of not wanting to raise your children can happen to any parent, but most of the time they’re only fleeting.
These emotions are actually more common than you might think, and you should not feel ashamed if you feel this way.
If you feel like parenting is no longer an option, it may be helpful to talk to an adoption professional for an unbiased, outside opinion. They have talked to prospective birth mothers from all walks of life, including ones who have older children. They can help you determine if putting your children up for adoption is what you really want, or if these are feelings that will eventually pass.
No matter what your situation is, you can always reach out to a free, 24/7 adoption hotline for more information on what your next step should be.
Resources to Explore Before Putting Your Kids Up for Adoption
If you are unsure about “giving your kids up” for adoption, but you can’t think of any other way out of your situation, we want to remind you that help is available. You just have to know where to look.
You might decide to:
- Set up a temporary guardianship.
- Reach out to your local WIC.
- Ask for help from family and friends when you need to take a break.
You don’t ever have to parent if you know in your heart that it’s just not right for you. We just want you to know you do have options that could make parenting more feasible, before you decide on “giving up children” for adoption.
Adoption could very well be the right option for you, but it’s not perfect for everyone.
“I Don’t Want My Children Anymore. When is Adoption an Option?”
Putting children up for adoption together can sometimes be an option. But it mainly depends on your children’s ages.
Most adoption agencies specialize in newborn and infant adoptions. This mean that, as your child gets older, it becomes much harder to find a family who is ready and prepared for older child placements.
Simply put, many of the families who work an adoption agency aren’t ready for the challenges that come with an older child placement. And the older your child is, the more traumatic it will be to separate them from their biological family.
If you’re thinking about putting your kids up for adoption, and one of them is an older child, please contact an adoption agency to learn what options are available for your specific case.
Although adoption agencies can potentially do an older child or sibling adoption, they may refer you to other resources first.
The Importance of Keeping Sibling Groups Together
After plenty of soul-searching, you may decide that placing your children for adoption together really is the best option.
But you might ask, “If a couple wants to adopt a child but doesn’t want the sibling, will they get separated?
Adoption professionals keep siblings together if at all possible. Whether a placement is made through foster care or adoption, professionals recognize the dramatic benefits of keeping siblings together.
Siblings who are placed together usually feel more secure as they adjust to their new family and have an easier time coping with the adoption. And, when siblings are placed in the same adoptive or foster family, it can be a huge relief for the birth parents.
We know that you’re in a really difficult place right now. If you ever need someone to talk to about how to put kids up for adoption, or about the adoption process in general, please fill out our free information form to be connected to a professional.
Ready to get started? Contact an adoption agency now to get free information.