Finding Adoptive Parents
Questions And Concerns About Finding Adoptive Parents
Choosing your baby’s parents is a major decision. We know that you want to find the best family for your child, because you want to give your baby a life full of love and opportunity. And, you deserve peace of mind in knowing that you’ve chosen the perfect parents for your baby.
But, before you find your child’s family out there, we know you have some questions to consider when looking for adoptive families. Here are 10 of the most frequently asked questions about adoptive families, asked by pregnant women who are placing a baby for adoption:
1. “What will I know about the family who adopts my baby?”
Everything, because you’ll choose them and talk to them yourself! Decades ago, women had no say in who adopted their child. Today, pregnant women choose the adoptive parents, and 95% of birth parents decide to have an open adoption relationship with that family so they can continue to stay in touch. You can learn more about open adoption and how that works here.
Or, start viewing adoption profiles of waiting families here, and get to know them for yourself.
2. “When I’m talking to a prospective adoptive family for the first time, what questions should I ask them?”
Many expectant parents are worried that they need to treat that first conversation with a potential adoptive family like an interview. In actuality, the first conversation is just a way to get to know one another, and to see if you “click.”
That being said, it never hurts to jot down a list of things you’d like to know about the parents. Ask whatever you need to help you determine if they’re “The Ones” for your baby. For you, that might be asking what led them to adoption, how much (or how little) post-adoption contact they want, what their interests are, their spiritual beliefs, or any question that feels important to you. Your adoption professional can also help guide this conversation, and can offer talking points and questions that can help you get the best understanding of what this couple might be like as your baby’s parents.
3. “Can I choose who adopts my baby?”
Absolutely. You always have the right to select the adoptive parents you feel are best for your child, and you always have the right to get to know them, before, during and after the adoption, through an open adoption.
Even if you don’t already have adoptive parents picked out, there’s still time to start searching. Start here.
4. “How will I know if a potential adoptive family is right for my baby?”
Every birth parent has a different moment when they know they’ve found their child’s future parents among the profiles of waiting adoptive families. Those birth parents often say that they “just knew,” and describe a gut feeling. For some, it’s when they saw the couple interacting with their older children, or when they saw that they had the same religious beliefs. For others, it can be as small a detail as sharing the same favorite ice cream flavor or just having “a good feeling about them.”
However, one of the best ways to gain confidence in your choice is to get to know them through pre-placement contact. This can occur over the phone or even in person, to whatever extent you’re comfortable.
5. “How do I know this family is safe and ready to adopt?”
If you’re not working with an adoption agency, you’ll have to screen that family for yourself. If, however, you have connected with this family through an adoption agency, it means that family has already gone through an extensive screening process and has been cleared to adopt.
Adoption agencies screen potential families to make sure that they’re safe and that they’re physically, mentally, emotionally and financially ready to welcome a child via adoption. Learn more about that screening process here.
6. “I’ve found a family I like, but what if they don’t want to adopt my baby?”
When you work with an adoption agency, they show you profiles of waiting families who match your situation and your ideal adoption plan. This means the adoptive family you’ve selected is already committed to you and your baby, and is ready to adopt a baby like yours.
7. “Can I change my mind about the adoptive family I’ve chosen?”
Yes. You have the right to change your mind about the adoptive family (or about adoption entirely) right up until the moment you decide to sign your legal consent to the adoption after the birth of your baby. However, if you do feel like you need to change adoptive families, it’s always best to voice this request as early in the adoption process as possible. That way, you’ll have more time to find, select and get to know an adoptive family you feel better about.
8. “How do I know that the adoptive family will keep their promises?”
Adoption always requires a leap of faith, for both the birth and adoptive families. However, there are measures that adoption agencies take to ensure that both sides keep their promises throughout the years to come, including:
- Counseling about the importance of keeping promises in adoption relationships.
- Education about the, especially for adopted children.
- Ongoing communication support for the birth and adoptive families, and help fostering a strong relationship.
- Requiring that adoptive families agree to a minimum level of openness and post-adoption contact.
- And more.
It can seem scary to just trust that the adoptive family will keep their promises, but birth parents have overwhelmingly found that most adoptive parents diligently keep their promises throughout the years.
9. “Can I choose a family in a certain state, from a specific religion or a certain racial background?”
Yes. And, thanks to easy online search functions like this one, you can filter and sort through adoption profiles of waiting families to find parents who match what you’re looking for. So, if you have preferences about the adoptive family, you can specify what you’re looking for and search for that type of family using a database like this one.
If you don’t see what you’re looking for, contact an adoption agency. They may be working with adoptive parents who match what you’re looking for, but whose profile isn’t listed online yet. The right family is out there, waiting to meet you.
10. “Where can I find adoptive parents for my baby?”
Trying to find an adoptive family for your baby on your own through social media or advertisements is not only discouraged for safety reasons, it’s actually illegal in some states. The best, safest and fastest way to find the perfect adoptive parents is through an adoption agency’s database of online adoption profiles. Start searching for your baby’s future parents here.
If you have any more questions about adoptive families, contact an adoption agency now. They’ll help you find the parents you feel are right for your baby, and help you to create an adoption plan you feel confident in.
Ready to get started? Contact an adoption agency now to get free information.