Is Adoption Right for You?
Anytime we are faced with a difficult choice in life, we run through a list of “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” in our head. When faced with a choice as difficult as how to handle an unplanned pregnancy, many women find themselves wondering, “Should I give up my baby for adoption?”
This is a deeply personal question, and it’s never one that’s easy to answer. That being said, you may already have a gut instinct as to the answer in your situation. Or, maybe you’re still unsure. By asking yourself the following questions, this guide aims to help you explore the considerations you may have, your feelings about adoption and your own desires for your future and the future of your child.
Remember that there is never a “right” or “wrong” choice — there is only the choice that is right for you.
A note about the language used in this guide: Choosing adoption for your child is anything but “giving up.” Adoption is a difficult but loving choice, which requires no small amount of bravery, sacrifice, effort and consideration. For these reasons and more, commonly used phrases like “giving up” or “putting up” a baby for adoption are not the preferred terms.
However, for the purposes of this article, we use this outdated language because they are still the most widely understood terms. We encourage you to learn about, and use, positive adoption language in the future.
With that in mind — if you’re not sure how to know if adoption is right for you, ask yourself the following questions:
“Should I Put My Baby Up for Adoption?”
This is one of the hardest decisions a person can be faced with, and it’s a decision that nobody can make for you. Only you can know what’s best in your situation.
You may be feeling as if you “should” place your baby for adoption because:
- You don’t feel physically, emotionally or financially prepared for this baby.
- You worry that you won’t be able to provide him or her with the opportunities that you would like for them.
- You may not be excited to raise this baby, and you want your child to be raised by parents who are excited and ready.
- Your living situation or relationship is unstable or unsafe, and you want your child to be in a safe and consistent environment.
- You want to pursue your own goals at this point, and you want your child to be raised by parents who are ready to give this baby their undivided attention.
All of these considerations are very valid reasons for placing your baby for adoption. If some or all of these concerns have been weighing on you, then adoption may be the right choice for you and your baby.
However, even in spite of these concerns, you still may feel in your gut that adoption simply is not right for you. You may still be searching for the answer to, “How to know if adoption is right for me.” If that’s the case, take some time to learn about abortion and parenting — one of those choices may feel like a better fit.
“Why Should I Give My Baby Up for Adoption?”
Some of the most common reasons why women have chosen to place a baby for adoption have included:
- They were struggling to raise their older children, and a new baby would have put strain on the family.
- They were uncomfortable with the relationship they had with the baby’s father, and they didn’t want to be permanently tied together by raising a child.
- They were in a loving and committed relationship with the baby’s father, but they both felt they were unready and/or unwilling to raise a baby at that point in time.
- They didn’t feel like they could financially provide for this baby.
- They didn’t want their child growing up in their current living situation.
- They wanted their child to have two parents.
But for all these women, when they asked themselves, “Should I give my baby up for adoption?” they also had a feeling that adoption was the right choice for them, even if it was the hardest choice they ever had to make.
There are many concerns you may have that make you feel as if you “should” place your baby for adoption, but ultimately, you should only choose adoption if you feel in your gut that it’s the best path for you.
“Why Should I Not Give My Baby Up for Adoption?”
If you’re asking yourself, “Should I give my child up for adoption if I’m in a position to raise him or her?” you’ll also need to ask yourself, “Do I want to raise my child?”
If, in addition to having a desire to be a parent to this baby, you feel that you are:
- Mentally, emotionally, physically and financially ready to raise this child.
- In a stable and safe living situation and have a safe and loving home environment.
- Able to offer the life and opportunities you want for your child.
- Working a steady job that can support your baby and yourself, and that will allow you maternity leave.
- In a position to secure childcare while you work, or are able to stay home with your child.
- Excited about this pregnancy, and about raising this child.
- In a good relationship with the baby’s father and you are comfortable with the idea of being permanently tied together through your child.
- Ready and willing to raise this baby, either with the father or on your own.
…then parenting this baby may be the right choice for you. But just like choosing adoption, it really comes down to whether or not you truly feel that parenting this baby is what’s best in your situation.
So, if you feel strongly that you are willing and able to parent this child, then adoption may not be the answer for you.
“How Do I Know if Adoption is Right for Me?”
Pros and cons aside, you may be wondering, “How do you if adoption is right for you?” Most women say that after some time and consideration, they “just knew.” Those women also often had a “knowing” feeling when they saw the adoption profile of their baby’s future parents — they had a gut feeling that those people were “The Ones” to raise their child.
But not everyone has the gut instinct that adoption is the right path — for some it doesn’t happen right away, and for others it doesn’t happen at all. Maybe your strongest instinct is to choose abortion or parenting, instead.
However, if you’re unsure at this point and you’re still asking yourself, “Is adoption right for me,” then ask yourself three more questions:
1. “Am I Ready to Parent this Baby?”
2. “Am I Ready to Carry this Pregnancy to Term?”
If the answer is ‘no,’ then you may want to consider abortion.
3. “Am I Ready to Create an Adoption Plan that I Think Is Best for My Baby?”
If the answer is ‘yes,’ then adoption is the clear path for you. You may not feel ready for adoption in many ways, but if you feel that adoption may be…
- The best way to ensure a safe home for your baby
- A way to provide your child with opportunities you’re unable to offer at this point in your life
- The best thing for your own future, as well as your child’s
- The best way to continue providing for your older children
- The best way to avoid poverty, delaying educational or career plans, etc.
- The best way to avoid to single parenting, or avoiding staying in a relationship you don’t want
…then adoption is the right choice for you, although it’s always a difficult decision.
Anytime a woman asks herself, “Should I put my baby up for adoption?” she has a hard choice ahead of her. Choosing to place your baby for adoption is never an emotionally easy choice to make, but it may be the right choice for you. If you think adoption may be right in your situation, reach out to a licensed adoption agency now. They’ll be able to provide you with free and confidential information, guidance, support and anything you need at this point, and can help you move forward.