If you are an expecting mother and thinking about adoption, you likely have a lot of questions about adoption.
We’ve gathered some of the most frequently asked questions about adoption by pregnant women and organized them below:
How Much Does Adoption Cost?
Women who choose adoption never suffer any financial hardship, as the adoptive family and any eligible insurance will cover all adoption services and expenses. This includes legal services to complete the adoption, medical expenses to pay for the labor and delivery, any counseling you may require, and much more.
Not only is adoption free but you will also likely be eligible to receive financial assistance, commonly known as living expenses.
Living expenses are moneys provided by the adoptive family to cover your pregnancy-related expenses, such as your rent, car payment, utilities, groceries, maternity clothes, and more.
Read the following to learn more about each state’s adoption financial assistance laws.
How Do I Choose an Adoptive Family?
One of the most important aspects of the adoption process is making sure you find the best adoptive family for you and your child. This includes where they live, how big their family is, what types of things they enjoy, how they plan on raising your child, and how much contact they want to share with you.
If you work with an adoption agency, they will work with you to understand the type of family you want to raise your baby. They will then provide you with adoption profiles of families who match your preferences. When you find a family and select them to follow the same adoption plan, you will then enter into what’s referred to as a “match.”
If you do not work with an adoption agency, you will likely have to find an adoptive family on your own. This can be achieved possibly through a family friend, a friend of a friend, or any other person you may know from your work, school, church, extra-curricular activities or in your community.
Will I See My Child Again?
The greatest thing about modern day adoptions is that you have the final say in most of the decisions – including whether you will see your child again.
When you begin looking for adoptive families, whether it is with the help of an adoption social worker or on your own, make sure you only entertain the families who are willing to enter into an open adoption. You may receive pictures of your child periodically throughout the year, you may talk to your child on the phone, and you may even visit your child on special days during the year.
Remember, there is always a hopeful couple somewhere out there interested in the same type of relationship as you are. Now it is your job to find them!
Do I Have to Tell the Birth Father About My Decision?
If you have a relationship with the birth father or if you know who he is, it is very important that you tell him about your adoption decision.
However, if you do not feel comfortable talking to him yourself or if he is difficult to reach, you may arrange to have your adoption agency or adoption attorney inform him about the adoption.
The reason this is so important is because he is the father of the child and has parental rights too. For the adoption to proceed legally, he needs to consent to the adoption plan.
If you do not know the birth father or if you cannot reach him, an adoption agency or attorney will make every attempt at locating him. If they are unsuccessful, in most states his parental rights may still be terminated because not acting is also a form of consent.
Can I Keep My Adoption Decision Secret?
Your pregnancy and your adoption decision is your personal business. While it may be tricky to hide your pregnancy, concessions can absolutely be made to help you keep these next months a secret.
Firstly, you are not legally obligated to tell anyone about your decision, not even your parents (except for in a handful of states if you are under 18). Therefore, this is 100 percent your decision.
Secondly, if you really want this part of your life kept secret, many adoption agencies will offer you solutions. One of the most popular solutions is to offer you temporary housing, whenever it is becoming more difficult to hide your pregnancy with baggy clothing. Some adoption agencies even have their own facilities for women just like you to stay at for free until the adoption is completed.
Isn’t Abortion Easier and Cheaper than Adoption?
Nearly 150 women choose abortion for every 1 woman who chooses adoption because they believe abortion is the easiest way out of their current predicament. We believe if those 150 women would research the facts about adoption, many more would realize how beneficial adoption is for everyone involved.
Firstly, abortion isn’t free – it costs hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars to safely complete an abortion. Adoption, on the other hand, isn’t only free for expecting mothers, but they also will receive living expenses to help them financially throughout their pregnancy.
Secondly, abortion is not at all easier than adoption. With adoption, you will provide a family with the baby they’ve dreamed about forever, you will provide your baby a wonderful life full of opportunity, and finally, you will have the joy knowing you brought a happy, healthy baby into the world. Finally, you can even be a part of your child’s life, if you so choose.
With abortion, none of these things occur. All you are left with is the question of “what if?”
Can I Change My Mind About My Adoption Decision?
Of course you can change your mind – this is your baby and your decision after all.
Now, it is also recommended that you do not commit to an adoption plan unless you are sure this is right for you and your child. The reason is because an adoptive family has already struggled for months or even years with infertility and perhaps even miscarriages, and a failed adoption often feels like another miscarriage to them. And then of course they have to wait another several months to become parents after going through the entire adoption process once again.
However, that being said, this is your decision. If you pursue adoption, but later change your mind – even while you are at the hospital – that is entirely up to you. Everyone involved in the adoption wants to make sure you are 100 percent comfortable with the adoption before you consent.
You will be asked to consent to the adoption and legally terminate your parental rights between 24-72 hours after the birth of your baby. You may of course change your mind before you sign these documents.
Will an Adoptive Family Really Love My Child As Much As Their Own Child?
This is a common question that many pregnant mothers, and even some adoptive couples, have about adopted children. However, as common of a question as it is, it is also a bit silly.
For example, if you ask any adoptive parent – even ones who have both an adopted and biological child – they will all tell you they love their adopted child as much as they’d ever love a biological child.
You see, there comes a point in an adoptive parent’s life where they look at their child and don’t even think of him or her being adopted. All that matters is the child is a part of their family – it doesn’t matter how they got there. All of the experience, memories, lessons and fun times together build that love, all of which have nothing to do with whether or not her or she was adopted.
And if you think about it, we love our spouses whom we aren’t related to as much as we love our blood relatives. So why would loving an adopted child be any different?
How Do I Know I’ve Chosen the Right Family?
If you work with an adoption agency, your adoption social worker will help you choose a family who matches the type of life you want for your baby. However, how can you be sure you chose the right family?
Today’s adoptions allow for you to get to know the adoptive parents before the adoption occurs. You can speak with them over the phone, through email or in person – all with or without the mediation of your adoption agency.
Actually speaking with the adoptive family is when you will truly know whether they match the life you have for your baby.